September 24, 2004
He Keeps Growing, and Growing, and Growing
Becoming a parent has been more life changing to me than anything else. I have a better understanding of how much my mom loves me, as well as how infinite God's love must be for his children.
Logan is learning to talk. Not baby jabber, but actual, understandable words. Here's a quick list: puppy, Chi, momma, daddy, duck, car, Logan, no, apple, baby, bug, hello, hi, bye-bye, movie. He expands the repertoire every day. He's also learning to count. His favorite number appears to be two, because every number is two.
Chi is five months old in two days. He is very vocal, more than Logan was at his age. He smiles constantly, and his favorite time of day, besides waking up at 6:30am, is when his Daddy comes home from work. Logan seconds him on that. He can roll over both ways and he scoots along the floor faster than one can imagine. I get the feeling he will be crawling by the time he is six months old.
As one could guess, my children are my life. They are my every waking moment. It's hard for me to think about much else, including Matt. Thus the issue of every married couple with tiny children; how to make time for eachother in all this mess?! Now that I've done some reprioritizing, we are being blessed through spending quality time in God's word and developing our relationship with eachother. If anyone would like to volunteer to babysit, we could really use a date night. Payment comes in the form of all the baby sugar you can handle!!
Posted by tessa at 09:30 | Comments (3)
October 07, 2004
What an Angel
This is a great picture of a first rate fit that Logan threw for me the other day. Just precious.
Posted by Matt at 17:02 | Comments (1)
October 22, 2004
The Brothers Baby
Logan is increasingingly aware of and interested in his little brother Chi. When Chi cries, Logan says "uh-oh" and if there's a pacifier around, he tries to stick it in the crier's mouth. I've even seen him try to pick Chi up, or maybe just hug him.
Just yesterday, Chi was laying on his tummy on the floor. Logan layed down beside him so that they were face to face. Chi always breaks into a huge grin when Logan is close to him. Then little Chi grabbed the blanket in both hands and bit it, saying, "grrrr." Logan copied him, and they went back and forth like that a few times.
I am so proud of my boys. Logan has such a loving personality. Sometimes he comes up to me and puts his arm around me and pats me on the back. He's always hugging on my legs or my neck if he can reach it. He'll even lean his head forward so I can give him a kiss. When I say, "I love you, Logan," he makes the kissing noise at me as if to say, " I love you too." Just recently he started addressing me as 'momma'. This is a big deal because usually he whines or cries to get my attention.
Chi is amazed by his perpetual motion brother. He follows Logan around with his eyes. When Logan acts silly, Chi laughs. When Logan cries, he cries. When Logan gets close to him, Chi will lean towards him and even try to grab him. When Chi is unhappy and I can't make him happy, I just call Logan over and Chi stops and watches Logan and smiles. I think Logan finally realized today that he can make Chi laugh by acting silly.
This is a sidenote. This blog will not be anything fancy like Matt's. I just don't have the time or the skills (and no time to develop skills) to make it really cool. I guess you people will just have to settle for content, and if you don't care to hear about the kids, you might just want to move on. They are all I can think about all day, and so they are what I want to talk about the rest of the time. Now that I have committed to not having a cool blog, I will probably write here more now that the pressure is off. Thanks to those who choose to remain interested.
Posted by tessa at 20:02 | Comments (2)
The Love of My Life
I remember before Matt and I got married that I said my kids would never come before my marriage. Well, I've blown that idea to smithereens. I never knew how deeply I would fall in love with my children. And with them both being so dependent on me for their every need, it's hard for me to see what is happening with my marriage.
The boys have usurped their father's place as the love of my life, and now I must refocus and rebalance my priorities. Matt is to be the most important person in my life. He will see me through all the seasons of my life, while my children, once the are raised, will leave me for lives of their own. I thank God for making me aware of this problem before it became a problem so intrinsic in our lives that we couldn't even recognize it. I want my boys to be happy, but they will never be happy if Matt and I do not have a good relationship. Matt has been extremely supportive and patient and loving. I could not ask for a better husband or father for my children. Let God be praised!!
Posted by tessa at 20:21 | Comments (2)
October 25, 2004
The God Who Sees Me
The Holy Spirit walks with me all day. He's usually pretty quiet, but thankfully I am usually listening so I can respond when I hear his voice. The other day when I was working on my CBS assignment, He let out a shout! I was reading a story that I've read many, many times. Hagar is pregnant and she has run away from her mistress Sarai because she has been treated harshly. The woman would rather wander the desert alone than be safe at home.
I was drowsily reading it again, searching for the answer to one of the assignment questions. When I got to the part where an angel of the Lord approaches Hagar and tells her she will have a son and that she should return to her mistress and submit to her. Genesis 16:13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the one who sees me."
This story mirrors my experience with the Lord. I did not grow up in a Christian home. I became a Christian when I went to college. I had little knowledge of the Bible and had only a minimal understanding of what that little bit meant. But God came to me in the wilderness and spoke lovingly to me. And I can look back on that early part of my life when I had little or no knowledge of God, He knew me intimately and he "saw" me as I was, and by golly, He wanted me for His own. I have seen the one who sees me, and I have been blessed ever since. My sincere prayer is that everyone who reads this will see the God who sees them and will fall into His arms.
Posted by tessa at 20:21 | Comments (1)
November 14, 2004
We Love Matt!!
Matt is home!!! We are a family again! I think the boys missed him as much as I did. The first few days aren't so bad, but by the time we hit the six or seven day mark, I start to wonder if I won't go just a little crazy.
Logan has reached the age where he remembers people even when they are not around. He would see things that reminded him of Matt and say, "Daddee?" He saw a pair of glasses, a bicycle, and (don't be alarmed) a razor and said, "Daddee?" My mom and I showed him pictures and asked him who was in them. He liked the daddy pictures best. Other proof of Logan missing Matt is that he doesn't sleep well and he has a bad temper. We stayed with my parents in Bentonville for a week and a half of the time Matt was gone, but when we got home it was obvious that Logan thought Daddy should be there. He kept pointing to the door and saying, "Daddee?" It broke my heart because I wanted "Daddee" to walk through that door, too.
Chi also missed Matt in his own way. He just stares and stares at Matt and then giggles when Matt looks at him. He cries when Matt leaves the room, so Matt has spent a lot of time carrying his little baby around from room to room. It is truly precious to see how much those boys adore him.
Of course it's been hard for me not having my other half around. I think what I miss most besides the extra pair of hands, is the hugs. I know anyone who has been hugged by Matt knows that he gives the best hugs. Well, he saves the "bestest" of the best for me. The day after he came home he bought me some roses and called his parents (I love you Becky and Danny!) to take care of the boys so we could go out to a nice dinner at 1620. Since I had kids, the best gift anyone can get me is food! I love food!! The food was divine, and so was the company.
So we're back to our routine, at least until Matt has to travel again. I try not to think about that and just enjoy the moment, never forgetting to pray for the peace that only God can bring to my life. He delivers!
Posted by tessa at 20:45 | Comments (1)
November 15, 2004
Chi's Milestones
Chi is getting teeth! The two bottom fronts. It's been a tough week, but they've finally broken the surface, so he's not so uncomfortable.
Our little man is also learning to crawl. He gets up on all fours and boo-bops back and forth until he flops onto his belly or side. He's just grunting and groaning the whole time. You can tell he's excited about his own progress.
I gave the little one a biter biscuit today. He held it in his chubby paw and brought it to his mouth for a chew. He hated it!! The funny thing was he wouldn't stop trying it. We have a very picky eater on our hands, folks! Matt said he gets it from his uncle Tim. He sure doesn't get it from his parents.
So far, Chi only likes apples, bananas, and pears. He hates peaches, prunes, all kinds of cereal, and now biter biscuits. It's cute what he does when he doesn't like something. He clamps his little jaw shut and tightens his lips, then he shudders when the offensive bite comes near his mouth. I just love this baby!
Posted by tessa at 14:13 | Comments (3)
January 04, 2005
All Things Considered : Need to Play Catch Up
Where to start. I guess I want to renew my vow to blog regularly. I'm sure those of you with children will certainly understand. I'll talk of my favorite topic first.
Da Boys
Malachi is offically crawling. He just did his first off the belly crawling yesterday. He is a climber. He has stolen Logan's little couch for his own. He climbs all over it and uses it to stand up. When he falls, he cries, which is something Logan didn't do. Malachi is the sweetest boy. He has a smile for everyone. Right now we are trying to conquer the sleeping through the night monster. That boy loves his midnight snack! He's cried the past two nights, but I think tonight will be better.
Logan is speaking in phrases. He still does his baby jabber, but it is punctuated by words and phrases. He knows all his colors, and knows the difference between numbers and letters. He likes to color and draw. His passion is for cars...the Wal-Mart parking lot is his favorite place to be. I love that he can communicate his needs and wants to me instead of just crying. Sadly, he's getting so big that I can't carry him around so much. I'll just have to sit and hold him.
I could say a lot more, but I want to move on.
Me and My Matt
This may or may not be a surprise, but Matt and I are taking relationship counselling from the family life minister at our church. Our problems aren't huge, but things just didn't feel right. I asked my Grandma O. what she thought was the most important factor to having a happy marriage. She said communication. At that time I told her I thought it was selfishness vs. selflessness. Grandma 1: Tessa:0
Our problems revolve around our poor communication skills. Don't get me wrong, we "talk" all the time, but looking back it was mostly meaningless babble because (HELLO!) we weren't listening to each other! Anyway, we have learned and continue to learn the communication skills that are vital to a happy marriage. Everything else is falling into place right after that.
On the whole, I am a happier person today than I was a month ago. I am excited that God has such wonderful plans for me (ie a happy marriage, a balanced life, a healthy spiritual life, beautiful experiences with my children). Only one thing I lack, a friend. I think my new year's resolution is to learn how to be a good friend so that maybe I can find a good friend. I lost my closest friends when I got married, and I just haven't gotten close to anyone since.
Posted by tessa at 21:40 | Comments (0)
January 06, 2005
Well Since My Baby Left Me : duh-dun
Yes, Matt is gone on another ER. We are holding up just fine here. Of course it's only been 18 hours since he got "the call." Logan is asking about Daddy, but that happens on a normal day.
I've been hearing my upstairs neighbor all day today. He must have a lot of liberties is choosing his days off because he's home a lot. Anyway, he has a dog, actually a pitt bull puppy. There aren't supposed to be dogs in these apartments, so why he thinks he can hide a 30 lb tail wagging, chain dragging, yard pooping menace is beyond me. This is one of those guys who puts the spike collar and log chain (yes a log chain) leash on this notorious breed to impress his pals.
The animal has been dragging it's new "leash" around all day in the house. What this is supposed to accomplish I have no idea but it's making quite a racket, especially on the kitchen floor up there. He also lets her wear it when she's going down the stairs outside, so I'm sure you can imagine the noise level around here is maddening. The last straw will be when the kids and I can't sleep I guess. I can hardly wait to get out of this place.
Posted by tessa at 21:27 | Comments (1)
January 07, 2005
Rain, Rain, Go Away
We are so shut in!! It has been rainy and cold the past two days. I took the kids to Wal-Mart during a short break in the rain. I am so hungry for adult conversation!
Matt is in a very dangerous situation. He is taking all precautions, but this is a particularly dangerous site. Please be in prayer for his and all others' safety.
Danny came by today and got to see just how fun these boys are getting. Chi was crawling all over him, such a nimble little fella. And Logan of course was doing everything in his power to keep all attention on himself. You can tell they miss their daddy. I do too.
Posted by tessa at 21:44 | Comments (0)
January 10, 2005
To Grammy and PaPa's House We Go
We had a wonderful time at Matt's parents' house this weekend. Logan logged hours and hours of playtime with PaPa. Chi practiced cruising, slowed only a little by the slippery wood floors.
Logan and Chi took their first bath together. It was so precious and Logan was very careful not to bump Chi or splash him. Chi was ecstatic over being in the tub with his cool big brother.
The boys sat in church during the service on Sunday instead of playing in the nursery. They both sat on my lap as purty as you please. Yes, I was more than a little proud. We happened to visit on the best Sunday of the month--POTLUCK!!
We miss the daddy part of our family very much. He is working very hard, and yet he still makes time to talk with me on the phone every night. I thank God daily for putting such a strong, loving man in my life. He makes cute babies too!
We are back home tonight. The neighbor is loud, but not any worse than usual. It's strangely nice to be back home, even though we had such a sweet time in Bee Branch. Hope it's sunny a little tomorrow...
Posted by tessa at 20:09 | Comments (0)
January 11, 2005
Now We're Feelin' It
The kids are noticing that something is missing. Mommy is not enough anymore. They both want undivided attention, but that's just not possible right now. They have to share one tired parent between them.
I kinda miss the guy, too. He's my friend, confidante, bed warmer, lover. It doesn't get any easier as time goes on. We both get more worn down, have less and less to say on the phone each day. It really stinks, doing the things that we normally do together by myself. Things like church and Logan's birthday shopping and party planning.
We're putting the birthday off by the way. Matt won't be able to get home this weekend without a miracle from God. Sorry this is such a sad post, but that's the way the cookie is crumbling today.
Posted by tessa at 21:27 | Comments (5)
January 12, 2005
Hey Dude
I think I might have gotten into something that's going to be hard to let go of if it's not possible. Let me explain. Matt and I have our 5th anniversary coming up. We have never been on a "big" honeymoon. I started seaching for ranch camps to go to. Oh my my my!
There is a camp in Wyoming that I'm head over heels for. You pretty much get your own horse for the week and you go on all these scenic rides. Camp fires, snow-capped mountains, mountain lakes with sandy beaches. Riding on the beach!!! Doesn't get more romantic than that.
I feel like screaming just thinking about it. I haven't been this excited since I found out we were pregnant with Chi. This ranch is called Lozier's Box R Ranch. Check it out people! Tell me I'm not crazy!
Posted by tessa at 21:47 | Comments (2)
January 14, 2005
Shmoozing At the In-Laws
Becky and Danny are a large part of the reason that we are surviving right now. They open their home to me and my snot-nosed (not speaking figuratively, either) ankle biters (only slightly figurative). I have someone to talk to and share the blessed burden with, and they get to kiss and cuddle these adorable boys.
PaPa is second only to Daddy. I think Logan recognizes the connection between Danny and Daddy. I sure do. I've never seen a father and son pair more alike. This is something I am so thankful for.
The boys are also head over heels for Grammy. Logan runs up for a big hug when she comes home from work. Of course Chi is always ready for hugs from anybody. And yes, the boys are being spoiled as we speak.
Every year, I grow even more thankful for the family that God put in my life when I married Matt. And in many ways, I am thankful for Bee Branch. The beauty of the mountains, the loving (slightly gossipy) people, and just the familiarity in my heart with the place. I think this is what I always wanted growing up, and now I can have it, and so can my boys.
Posted by tessa at 18:32 | Comments (2)
January 19, 2005
Daddy's Coming Home : Finally!!
I found out last night that Matt is going to make it home on Friday. That's really all I need to write it seems like. It means that soon our lives will be back to normal. Wake up, do the day, eat dinner, play babies, and go to sleep.
We are having Logan's birthday party at 1 or 1:30pm on Sunday afternoon. There will be streamers, there will be balloons, there will be cake and icecream, and yes, there will be presents.
Well, I don't think that anything worth writing about will happen to me until Matt comes home (I hope). So I may not be back here until Saturday or so.
Posted by tessa at 15:30 | Comments (4)
January 21, 2005
Together at Last
Our happy family was reunited a day earlier than I expected. Logan and Chi were totally beside themselves with joy when Matt walked in the door. I let them stay up past their bedtime to see him. Daddy played fun games like "shoot the ball from the mouth", "juggle to circus music", and "climb on Daddy mountain".
We got footage of all three on the video camara. The boys laughed themselves silly, and never got grouchy, even though it was past their bedtime. I can hardly believe how much more peaceful our home is when all members are accounted for.
We went shopping, and were gone for a large part of the day. Normally the boys are crying and slobbering and kicking by noon, but they acted like they were really enjoying themselves today. We searched and searched for suspenders for Logan. He has a tiny waist, but his belly is big so all belts are uncomfortable for him. We finally found them, and now his pants are up, even when he's running across the yard. I'm so happy!
Posted by tessa at 20:27 | Comments (0)
February 01, 2005
Anybody Gotta Punching Bag? : written in the heat of emotion
As I'm writing this, I'm mad. Matt is gone AGAIN. He hasn't been home for more than three days in a row this month. It's really putting a strain on our marriage and not to mention on my mothering. All day I can't wait to get those monsters into bed so I can finally let out that breath I've been holding all day. People always told me (when I told them Matt travels) that it will get better. No, it is not getting better. It's getting to where the pain of being separated is dull and that is somehow worse. Don't get me wrong. I don't miss being raving mad and crying on the phone. But I miss missing him. I have turned to God about this matter. I for one am not feeling very comforted right now. I'm sure it has to do with this hardness in my heart to all people, things, events that seem to want something from me. God grant me the serenity to accept that I am not on vacation and will not be going on one soon. Ahhhh! I know there are people, mothers, wives who are with me in this and we're all saying, "Is the money really worth all this." I'm not totally convinced that it is.
Posted by tessa at 21:50 | Comments (0)
February 02, 2005
Feeling the Need to Apologize
I just couldn't go to bed tonight without posting to let everyone know that we are doing just fine. Yesterday was just a bad day. Today was better. Tomorrow will be even better. Matt is coming home tomorrow. What a relief. But I am learning some hard lessons about depending on God. I thank Him for being so patient. And for giving me a husband that I love so much that it does drive me crazy sometimes. I also recant the monster comment I made about my children. They just miss their daddy, which makes them do things they wouldn't otherwise do. For Logan that is singing himself to sleep (which wakes up Chi). Frustrating, but manageable, and it could certainly be worse.
Posted by tessa at 21:54 | Comments (1)
February 07, 2005
Closer to Fine
Finally things are getting back to normal. Matt and I are remembering what it's like to be together daily in a routine. The boys are so much happier and balanced now that they get Daddy time in the evening. Nothing exciting is happening, which I am thankful for.
Posted by tessa at 21:45 | Comments (2)
February 15, 2005
Wanting Advice : But Have Pretty Much Decided Already
The topic is work: discuss.
Allow me. I have been wanting to contribute to this great wide world some of my skills and knowledge of animals. I would volunteer at the animal shelter, or I would gladly work somewhere (like a vet clinic). I just really miss doing that kind of work.
The issue is what do I do with the boys? I've been throwing around the idea of a mother's day out program, which would allow me enough time to volunteer somewhere, but probably not work anywhere. I feel okay with sending Logan, but a little uneasy about sending Chi due to his inability to communicate clearly his needs and wants.
And I don't want to miss days like today. We went to the park where new equipment has been added. Logan had a blast playing and ignoring all the other kids. Chi just loves to be outside. I got to talk with some of the moms I know from CBS. It was a wonderful experience that would be harder to come by if we had some kind of committment, like work and daycare.
I want to be clear that this is not an issue of money. We are doing just fine on Matt's salary and there is no monetary reason for me to work, not even for extra spending money. I just like doing that kind of work. I find it theraputic and I like educating people about their four legged friends. But this in exchange for time with my children? How selfish am I being?
I must admit a sense of need on this issue. I feel a need to touch other people's lives and to learn things. I get really excited when I think about working in the kennels and telling owners that "Molly" is feeling much better and she even barked at a cat today. Help me folks. Your advice will help me to decide this issue, as long as it has some reason in it.
Posted by tessa at 21:06 | Comments (6)
March 02, 2005
Stuff on My Mind
This will be a catch up entry. I have decided not to do the job thing until Chi is at least a year old. Besides, good weather is coming and I don't want to bog myself down with work that doesn't involve parks and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with flies on them.
I am feeling satisfied with my life lately, not something I can claim very often. Satisfied in the changes I am trying to make as well as circumstances that we find ourselves in. I have a new group of girl friends that gets together for Bible study on Mon. nights. I owe my friend Kasie a big hug and thank you for getting me involved in such an interesting, not to mention supportive group of women. It's amazing what friendship brings to one's life. Mine has changed already in a matter of weeks.
Matt and I had some time to ourselves last weekend in New Orleans. It was fun, but I wish Matt hadn't been sick. The best part was just being together ALONE! I really love this guy!
The boys are doing great. Chi has at least three new teeth coming in, so he's been a little cranky. He's crawling so fast! I have to run to catch him sometimes. He and Logan are learning to play together a bit. It's so cute because Logan tries hard to make Chi laugh. He's successful every time! Logan is turning into a little boy before our eyes. I must admit, since they are getting bigger my mind keeps thinking about the next one. But don't worry folks, we're stickin' with what we got for at least another year or two.
Man, it feels good to be happy!
Posted by tessa at 20:24 | Comments (3)
August 19, 2005
Forgive Me Please
Well, time to catch up...again. We are back in Russellville. I am very happy here, but really miss Little Rock Church. We have been attending First Baptist downtown, and feel really at home there. Logan talks about "goin' da church" all the time. He and Chi will be going to mother's day out on Tuesdays starting next week. Logan will love it, Chi, not so much.
I've gotten into reading historical ficiton. Mostly Bodie and Brock Thoene. It's funny I've done a great Bible study on the Pentateuch, but still never really understood the Jews as real people until I read some of the Zion stories that these two authors created. I guess I'll finally read my Bible when I run out of these books. Yes, they are that captivating.
My favorite thing about Russellville is how close everything is. The boys and I rode the bike to the Library and then to the Church Park in less than ten minutes. And holy cow, traffic actually stopped for us to cross the road. Try that in Little Rock. Matt is home from work every day at a quarter after 5. I had forgotten what it was like for him to not travel.
I'm working at the animal clinic again. It's therapeutic for me, plus I can still stay home with my babes. I go in at 5am, see, and am gone and home by7:15 am. Pretty cool huh. I get to do what I like without disrupting my boys lives and I get a little extra money on the side. You may wonder what the heck I would do at an animal clinic at 5am. The answer, walk dogs, clean kennels, some baths. This gives the day staff a little more breathing room to get other things done during the day. I have to admit that this job was sort of invented for me specifically by my boss Nicole. I swear God was saying to Nicole, "Look in her eyes. She's going nuts. She needs this."
Well now that we're not going anywhere for a while I suppose I can get back to blogging. Bye for now.
Posted by tessa at 17:16 | Comments (4)
August 23, 2005
Throw 'em a Bone
I gotta keep you all hooked, so here's a bone. Had my first "business meeting" at work on Monday. Sheesh talk about a good way to get the blood flowing. It was a lot of "if someone would do X correctly, then I could do Y correctly". The main problem is nobody is communicating what they really did, want, meant, etc. It would be great if we could help eachother out and not expect anything in return. But the favor turns into an IOU and later possibly a backstabbing comment in the Monday morning meeting. You all readin' me?
Home is going pretty good. The boys and I have a predictable and let's be honest, boring daily schedule. I feel guilty that I'm not a more spontaneous parent. But let's face it. A trip to the grocery store with two toddlers who always end up hungry and tired in the checkout line is a formidable task. Who has the energy for fingerpaint after that gruelling experience? I keep asking myself if I have what it takes to do this job well. I think yes, most of the time.
On days that we spend nearly every waking hour in front of the TV, I really doubt myself as a parent. A lot of the time the TV is the babysitter while I do housework. Mopping is the most dangerous thing to do when the boys are awake because odds are somebody's going to bust their butt on the wet floor. But when they're napping all I want to do is sit with a book and eat lunch (with no baby fingers in it) and be quiet.
I'm saying a lot here without really saying anything. I guess what I really feel is that there is a lot of futility in the life of a stay at home mom. What I do is almost immediately undone, and the babies want and want and want. And there's always this guilt about mistakes that I've made or time I take for myself when they still want more for themselves. I feel like confessing all the bad choices I've made with my boys, and hope that someone will say, "Yeah, that was bad but they'll be ok."
For those of you who aren't or haven't been and don't care to be parents, forgive this boring post. Being a parent is a really big job, and I hope I'm doing it well enough that God can still wrinkle out the ugly parts. Therin lies the answer. Give them to God because I can't do it on my own. I hope I remember that tomorrow and the next day.
Posted by tessa at 21:08 | Comments (6)
August 25, 2005
Hello : Couldn't think of a good title
I would like to say something about and for my husband. Yes, Matt is gone most of the hours that the boys are awake, but he is a very involved dad when he is home.
I'm a little concerned when couples say they will split duties raising kids and managing the home half and half because life usually doesn't work that way. There are many times when Matt or I have to do more than "our share", especially in times of illness or just lots of stuff to do. I feel like I get enough help from family, especially since all I have to do is ask.
But no matter how much help I have, there's always more to do and think about doing. I'm slowly learning to be ok with that. The reason I wrote such a stressed out post is because I'm not depending on God for my strength. The other thing I'm slowly learning is that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I need to accept that strength before I run out of my own.
Being a mom of two toddler is pretty stressful sometimes and it's always tiring. But they will grow and learn to do things on their own, and then I'll be busy doing different things.
Whatever I may state in my wacky posts, I love being a mom. If it weren't this hard, it wouldn't be so fun. I am appreciating all the supportive comments. Thanks to you all!
Posted by tessa at 08:34 | Comments (14)
August 28, 2005
A Message from God
A man spoke in our church today by the name of Bill Merrell. He was or is (not sure) the spokesman for the Southern Baptist Convention. He speaks on behalf of all Southern Baptists to the president, and other important people. Every word that is published with the Southern Baptist name on it goes by his desk first.
Mr. Merrell spoke mostly about trusting God, even in times of suffering. Repeatedly, he quoted Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Merrill is a man familiar with suffering. He has suffered in the past few years a stem cell stroke, a double bypass, a heart attack, along with blood clots in his legs and arms.
He spoke purposefully in soft, slurred speech. He told us about how his father was an angry man and a strong man. Folks knew to stay away from the Merrill place. But one day a man came to the house and told Mr. Bill that if he would go to church for six weeks in a row, then he would give him a ride in an airplane. Bill said, " I would have killed the governor to ride in that airplane." He was eight years old when he was shown God's love through that man, and has been experiencing that love ever since.
He talked about his wife and how she honored him through "the indiginities of a stroke." I was a bit surprised to see that even she was crying as he said this. Not because he had never thanked her before, but I think because she was thankful for him and to God for putting him in her life. What a blessing to love your mate that much!
But I think what softened my heart was how certain this man was of God's love for him. He said he was sure of two things, "that God is a great Savior, and that I am a great sinner." So often I am sure of the latter and question the former. I forget to depend on God in all circumstances. I forget His power and His love go hand in hand. Bill said he could hear God saying, "Son, I care for you", even in his times of suffering.
So, I will learn to be like Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I will trust in God's love and sovereignity. And above all remember, it's not about me.
Posted by tessa at 14:52 | Comments (1)
August 31, 2005
Got Milk?
I am hand raising four baby kittens, all tabbies of undetermined sex. They were extremely difficult to bottle feed so now I'm tube feeding them. For being so little, they sure are loud!! They are about 4 or 5 days old, now and I will have them for the next 6 to 8 weeks. So if anyone would like to have a very sweet kitty or knows someone who does, just call me or post here. They will be available in several weeks.
Logan says they are, "So cute!". And even Chi wants to hold them and touch them. It's a lot like having a regular baby as far as the schedule goes. They eat every three or four hours, yes, even at night, kids! I'm pretty sleepy today because when they got me up at midnight, I couldn't get back to sleep. Sheesh!
The last time I raised baby animals, they were a kitten and a squirrel. We found a home for the kitten and the squirrel, I suspect, is still in the neighborhood. The kitten and the squirrel had no idea that they weren' t the same. They played just like other baby animals and snuggled to stay warm. It was lots of fun to see a bushy-tailed squirrel and a fangs-bared kitten wrestling on the floor. It got really interesting when the squirrel started climbing the furniture, the cat just followed her right up! Yes, this is one of the perks of working at a vet clinic.
Posted by tessa at 09:59 | Comments (0)
Katrina
I must say something about the hurricane on the Gulf Coast. Matt and I were in New Orleans several months ago. We both couldn't get over what an interesting and exciting city it was. Now I see the devastation and for once, I have some idea of what was lost. I would like to encourage all who pray to do so, and for those who have some money to give, please do that also. I have heard the best way to help is to send money, the second best way is to send water. I know the Salvation Army is taking donations as is the Southern Baptist Convention. It has been said that it will be three months before people can even go back into the area to clean up. Many people who lost everything are thankful just to be alive. I can hardly imagine what these folks are going through, and many are still in harm's way. Let's give them a hand in whatever way we are able.
Posted by tessa at 10:08 | Comments (1)
September 08, 2005
What's Up
We have led an interesting life this past week. We bought a new car. I'm sure Matt will blog about it since it's his. It's an '05 Chevy Cobalt. The whole fam damily can fit in that little car. The boys are comfy in their carseats, Woody on the floorboard in the back, me, Phobe and Matt in the front.
Logan is addicted to the Dukes of Hazzard Playstation game. Matt plays it for him when he gets home, and it's the first activity in our day when Logan wakes up in the morning. He's even taken to saying, "Dang it Beau" like Luke does when the player is driving crazy. I'm not sure how much I like my kid saying dang it anything. But it's something I can live with because he would totally freak if he couldn't play the game now.
They boys had their first Mother's Day out and they both had a blast. Chi didn't cry when I left, and wasn't crying when I came back. Logan of course, just wants me to leave once he gets to his classroom. He made a little caterpillar with his fingerprints this week. That says a lot because usually Logan won't let people touch his hands to do cute stuff like putting ink on his fingertips and pressing them to paper.
I worked all day Saturday and Sunday, and it was oddly refreshing. I got to work hard at something other than babies. When I came home, they had already grown up a little bit more. And I think Matt was decidedly more worn out.
Posted by tessa at 19:27 | Comments (1)
September 09, 2005
Look at that Crap : Logan Keeps Things Interesting
One of my sweet kitties died. When they get even a little sick at this age, it's easy for them to die. I have another one that is sick, but I'm being much more vigilant against his illness so hopefully he will live. The other two kittens are fat as ticks and twice the size of the sick one. Hopefully nature will take its course in this tiny kitten's favor.
Logan is doing something cute here lately. When he's on the changing table, he has a great view of our ceiling. Some cracks have developed just above the changing table. Yesterday morning we were discussing the cracks, when Logan decided to change the pronunciation a little to "craps". At one point he said, "Look at that crap." Not wanting to draw attention to the new word, I stifled my laugh and said, "Yeah, look at that crack." He reverted to the old pronunciation without even noticing. He was talking about a Mommy crack and a Baby crack last night. Since he doesn't realize the double meaning of the word "crack" the conversation wasn't as strange to him as it was to me.
If Matt would blog, he would write about other cute "Loganisms" that I'm not allowed to write about because he wants to. So everybody leave mean comments about not blogging on Matt's blog, and you will get to hear even more cute stories.
Posted by tessa at 15:04 | Comments (4)
September 13, 2005
Matt is Blogging Again!!!
I hope the fact that Matt is blogging again doesn't take away from my readership. But I love him, and he does write good stuff from time to time. Check him out (or his blog rather) at crossroads.blogplot.com
Posted by tessa at 21:05 | Comments (0)
September 27, 2005
Road Trip
The boys went on their first road trip last week. We went to Indiana to visit my Dad who is very sick. It was about 14 hours each way including stops. We usually stopped at a McDonalds with an indoor play area. The kids would climb and play like crazy then crash in the car. Many of the rest areas in Illinois have playgrounds. The boys really did well, and only got fussy when they just couldn't take anymore.
We visited the Fort Wayne Zoo. The boys had a great time running around. They rode the zoo train and we watched the seals get fed. It was great because the trainers would throw the fish or ball right up by the glass so the seal would be right in the kids' faces.
Cary and I also got very lost on our way out of Fort Wayne. When I say very lost I mean three hours in corn fields. Talk about frustrating. The kids were hungry, tired and had very wet diapers. We were all glad to go to bed that night.
All in all it was a safe, uneventful trip. We are glad to be home, but really enjoyed seeing our family up north.
Posted by tessa at 16:55 | Comments (1)
September 30, 2005
This is Pam's response to working v. not working mom : sorry it took so long
This is only my opinion and situation. I’m a working mom b/c I have to. Sure we could probably make it without my income, but it would be tight. I think it’s most mom’s dream to get to stay at home with the kids. However, there are a few who don’t plan/want to. Sometimes I feel like I would love staying at home, but then on the other hand, I don’t want to bore my child by not having something for him to do 24/7. I know a lot of that will/would change b/c I’d plan stuff for us to do. But if I were at home, I’d be worried about doing house work. QUALITY is sometimes better than QUANTITY! I, personally, feel like I need to have some adult time as much as they need their kid time. I think it is good for kids to have that social interaction with each other. They learn more than we think from other kids (good and bad).
If I had the opportunity to stay home, I would probably want to work part time, just so I have some free time by myself. I don’t want to sound like a bad parent by saying this, either! I love my child and want the best for him! Being a mom has changed me b/c I don’t let the little things get in my way. I don’t worry if my house is spotless, nor do I worry if all my laundry is done in one day/night. At night after work and on the weekends is when we try to spend a lot of time with Baylor and give him all the attention possible.
I hope this gives you some advice and I hope it makes sense.
Posted by actually Pam wrote this one at 15:44 | Comments (0)
October 04, 2005
A New Day
Well, it seems Danny is right about the growing pains. Although it's feeling less painful now that I am cooperating with God. Since I've been struggling with God about who is in control, I have been miserable. But God has been speaking to me through sermons, Bible study, and a few wise people. You know, I never doubt the existence of God anymore. The Bible says only fools say there is no God.
The problem is that I didn't know what God is like. I had forgotten everything I'd learned about his character. I remember when I first became aware of my sin as a freshman in college. I felt tremendous conviction and I was broken. And it seems that I stayed that way up until this point. My sins grieved me and grieved me. I just didn't "get" the part about accepting God's mercy and moving on. I hung my head in shame, and forgot to turn my eyes upon Jesus. If I had, I would have seen the love that I am experiencing now.
Usually by this time, I would be back to old patterns, trying to reshoulder that load. But this time is different. My whole way of thinking is different. When something goes wrong, instead of losing it, I just pray for God to give me strength to handle it with His grace and mercy. It's working. I'm kinda smacking myself in the forehead over this one, but at the same time I can see how there was no way I could have known the love of God unless I "looked full in His wonderful face."
Posted by tessa at 21:29 | Comments (0)
October 18, 2005
Lessons in Submission
I've been studying Ephesians 5:22. Trust me, not because it occurred to me that I should be submissive to Matt. It's just the next day's lesson in Motherwise. But it actually hit me this time. I finished reading the lesson, and (no joke) I wrote at the bottom of the page, "Lord, this sounds like slavery. Please help me to trust you." I was actually angry, which means that I was really afraid.
You see, I am truly a selfish person. I'm not saying this to discredit Matt and his blog entry about me. I don't want to deny the truth in his entry--that I am of infinite worth to God, but I am a sinner. Thankfully, God is so patient with me, and He's willing to teach and reteach me His truths as needed.
It's so funny that I am afraid to submit to Matt. It is a rare thing for him to be selfish, and he truly wants the best for me and for our family. I rarely if ever question Matt's devotion to me and my well-being, and if I do, it is more of a knee-jerk reaction than a justified response.
ButI have to remember it's not so much Matt that I am submitting to as to God. God commands that I submit to my husband, and so I should do it because God says so.
I could talk all day about what I have learned about submission, but I'd rather hear what my readers have to say about the subject. Please feel free to comment openly and honestly about your beliefs about submission, especially to your husbands.
I would like to add one more thing. Right now, Matt is doing the dishes while I write this. He expects no accolades from anyone, leastwise me. He does it out of submission to me. He knows I hate doing dishes after cooking. Submission goes both ways, but even if it doesn't I pray for the strength to listen God by submitting to my husband.
Posted by tessa at 11:46 | Comments (12)
October 25, 2005
The Latest : Amazing Logan Stories
Brace yourelf. Our son is awesome! Matt and I were at the video store Saturday night. We wanted to rent one of the Star Trek movies. I know, we're dorks. Anyway, we are searching for the right movie, and we come across some children's movies. I see one with a tractor on it and I know what comes next. Or do I? Matt picks it up to show Logan and Logan says, "Oh, Tractor Adbentures!!" When did this kid learn to read? I have no clue where he could have seen this movie, but he knew what it was when he saw it. Needless to say, we all enjoyed our picks.
Malachi's favorite word is "MINE!!" A boy after my own heart. Malachi has turned into the best little hugger. I think he gets it from his daddy. What will he do next? Oh yeah, Malachi is awesome too!
Posted by tessa at 13:01 | Comments (0)
October 27, 2005
Yet Another Example
Here is yet another example of Logan's genius. We were out and about today, and a car drives by with the big T that most will recognize is for the Texas Longhorns. Logan sees it and says, "Look at the Texas car!" I think the boy must remember everything he sees and hears, and these moments of genius are when he recalls even the smallest detail and turns it into a complete thought.
Right now Logan is singing "The Farmer in the Dell". Logan often takes familiar songs and morphs them into his own creation. Right now the song goes, Momma takes a chicken, momma takes a chicken, hi ho the dairy o the momma takes a chicken! Enjoy!
Posted by tessa at 17:32 | Comments (3)
November 15, 2005
An Interesting Thought
I was introduced to a thought that I know is true in my life. That often times, I focus maybe too much on the cross and not enough of the resurrection. Let me explain. Jesus died on the cross for my sin. I understand and accept that. But the resurrection is where Jesus truly set me free from death. I think if I focused more on the resurrection of Christ instead of the crucifixion of Christ, my life would be much more joyful and full of the life that God promises.
I've been wondering a lot to myself about salvation. At what point does one become saved? Can one lose one's salvation (by not living a righteous life)? Who does the Bible say will go to heaven? Is there a hell and if there is, what is it like and who will go there?
I read an argument that nobody will go to an everlasting hell to be tortured because the idea of letting people He loves spend eternity in intense pain and torment is not in God's character. The man who argues this also says that we will all be held accountable to God for everything we've done, whether we know Him on earth or not. But that everyone will go to heaven after their lives have been reckoned. I know this will fly in the face of and offend some of my readers, but I can't help but see the guy's point.
If anyone can refute or argue either (the traditional or this guy's) point about hell WITH SCRIPTURE, I would be happy to hear it.
Posted by tessa at 19:50 | Comments (9)
January 19, 2006
Splendid
I had a splendid visit from Sarah and her girls Gracie and Brooke. Logan did a great job sharing his toys, which I was a little concerned about. Logan even let Gracie drive him in his "Jeep Car". She's a year older than he is, and a much better driver. I wish I had a picture of his face when he realized what that little car could do.
Sarah is a really enjoyable person to be around. She's really grounded in her faith, and I admire the way she uses everyday moments to teach her girls about God and His love. I enjoy talking to moms who obviously has this ability because I feel really lacking in this area. I mentioned this to her, and she encouraged me to pray daily for the boys. She said she prays for God to "fill in the gaps". This isn't the first time I've heard this it's just the first time I've listened.
So I will pray daily for my boys that God will fill in the gaps because it's guaranteed I'll make mistakes. It will be easy to pray for my boys because I would do anything for them. I hope that as I see God moving in their lives that I will beging to pray about other things, until I become one who "prays withouth ceasing." Sounds lofty...
Posted by tessa at 15:53 | Comments (0)
January 22, 2006
It's Birthday Time
Our family does birthdays in an interesting way. We celebrate the birthdays in chunks. December through February are particularly busy birthday months in the Hickman family. We had our "Chunk of Birthdays" celebration at Mom's this weekend. We had chili, chicken "clam" chowder, hashbrown casserole, dip, etc, etc.
Logan got more presents including a skeeball game and some clothes. Birthday cards abounded as did laughter.
We got Mom the Mexican Train domino game and we all stayed up until midnight playing it. It has a station that has train sound effects--really obnoxious and long-lasting sound effects. When it got quiet, Matt would say, "so, who wants to hear the train?" and slamm the button.
When we got home tonight, we found out that our hot water heater was busted. So after Matt got back from Bible study, he went and bought a hot water heater at Lowes. He's installing it now. I'll let you know tomorrow how it went....
Posted by tessa at 20:30 | Comments (7)
January 24, 2006
Bad Mom, or Mom Who Just Messes Up Sometimes? : You Be the Judge
So I lost track of time and brought the kids' lunches late to mother's day out....so what....right? We had nothing in the house to pack in a lunch, so I thought I would go to Wal-Mart and do the grocery shopping, then come home and pack the boys' lunch and bring it to the church. WRONG! I didn't realize how long I had agonized over which socks to buy until I got into the car at 11:35. The boys eat at 11:30 at MDO!!!!!!!!!!
So I ZOOOOOMMED home and threw their lunches in their racecar lunchboxes. Then I ZOOOOOOOMMED to the church. I was out of breath by the time I reached their classrooms. I walked into Chi's class and was (oh my gosh) totally ignored by his teachers. One lady finally walked over to me and took the lunch out of my hand with no comment--not even some accusing eye contact!!! Logan's teachers were much more forgiving, but somehow, I still feel like a total loser.
I know I hadn't forgotten their lunches, but had just lost track of time. Do these people actually think that I am a bad mom because I screwed up just this once?! Oh, by the way, I gave that lady a totally ugly look (thank goodness she never looked at me) but who knows if somebody else saw it. Now I feel like my day has kind of tanked. I think I need a doughnut....
Posted by tessa at 12:17 | Comments (3)
Yucky Big Toes : ...And a Little More Church Lady
A little update: I had to have a minor operation on my big toe because I had an infected (yuck) in-grown nail (double yuck). I kept looking around at all the people in the waiting room, and then I imagined them with their shoes off. I can't imagine why anyone would study so hard to move into the field of podietry. I'm sure this guy has seen some hideous sights.
I waited forever in the waiting room ( 1 hour and 10 min after my appt time). I was reading Lord of the Rings (for the second time), and then I remembered that Matt was picking up the boys from MDO and I wanted to see how things went.
He said the Chruch Lady (so dubbed by Betsy) told him that she wanted to talk to me about something (duh duh duuuuuuh!), but that he could give me the message. She said I shouldn't come in the room next time, but just wait outside the room for someone to see me. She said I upset Chi so much that he wouldn't finish his lunch because he was crying. First off, I can't be sure that he saw me. Second off, if he did see me, of course he cried! She makes it sound like I wanted him to cry, as if I had a choice about how he chose to behave. Yeah, they must be really put out when a baby cries--get a new job!!!
By now, I've been called into the exam room. I take off my shoe and a few minutes later, the doctor comes in and numbs my toe. But first he puts up a screen so that I can't see what he's doing. I guess you might be surprised at who faints dead at the sight of a needle being poked into their toe.
The operation was really short and relatively painless. It wasn't long before I was on my way to the drug store for more antibiotics and some epsom salts. My toe stayed numb until right about the time I was getting in the car to go home. My lead foot was noticeably lighter on the drive home. I've noticed that as long as I'm sitting with my foot propped up, there is little pain, but if I'm up and around---OOWWWEEEE! *sigh* I think I deserve another doughnut...
Posted by tessa at 18:51 | Comments (2)
March 22, 2006
Smile
Thanks for the recent comments despite the lack of recent posts. I am feeling good today, but the days before that, I'm still not ready to talk about. It's so wacky what makes me sick and what doesn't. For instance, the bread isle at Wal-Mart makes me sick, but the smell of the dogfood (dry Science Diet anyway) is strangely comforting. I cannot ride or even drive very far because of my motion sickness. I've never had that when I was pregnant. But really on the sickness scale this beats the heck out of being pregnant with Logan. Instead of sleeping on the bathroom floor, I can sleep on the front porch. The fresh air makes me feel better, and this baby gives more advanced warning of an impending purge.
I got a cat today. She has five kittens. They are all really precious. This momma cat is so nice, even Matt likes her. Logan was really excited to hold the baby kitties. Malachi still is completely clueless, which is probably for the best because he's still a little rough with them.
I got to visit with my father-in-law and my brother and sister-in-law. Having visitors really helps me feel better. Boosts those nice, friendly, loving hormones or something. Deana's going to pop that little baby out any day. That kid is really high! He's hangin' on until the last minute, that's for sure. I told Danny I want Becky to come and make some chicken and dumplings for the kids and Matt to eat while I'm unable to perform regular kitchen duties.
Posted by tessa at 18:16 | Comments (2)
April 06, 2006
Are We Having Fun Yet?
Well, I haven't been sick since my last post, so things are going much better, thank you. I still feel yucky when I get hungry, but I'm thinking that will get better too. I'm wearing my "I'm slightly pregnant" overalls as often as I can get them washed because they don't put any pressure on my tummy. I forgot how wierd it feels to have a foreign body in your abdomen. Some women like it; me, not so much.
We took a road trip to Hot Springs. After weeks of relative inactivity, driving and walking for hours was not what I consider fun. The gardens we visited were beautiful, but I think I should have given myself some more time...four days would have been nice.
My Momma Cat and kittens are doing great. The kittens are very playful even though they can hardly stand. They lay on their backs a lot and wave their teeny tiny paws in the air. That Momma Kitty is fierce when it comes to protecting those kittens. She's beat up every other animal we own because they got too close. And they all lost...badly.
Logan has gone from telling us, "NO!" to telling us "I can't". And sometimes, "Absolutely not!" Oh well, at least he's really cute. Malachi (also really cute) is talking in short phrases. He can say, I want more, Look at the ___, It's a ____, and lots of words that only Matt and I can make out. I guess my favorite thing that he says is, "Hey Momma". He says it as clear as a bell, and always with a smile on his face.
Well, it's time for bedtime stories, and then a nice warm bath for me. *sigh*
Posted by tessa at 20:25 | Comments (5)
October 30, 2009
It's Been a Long Time
It's been over two years since my last post. And what an eventful two years it has been! I feel the need to catch up here. God has been humbling me lately, something He never seems to tire of doing (thankfully). I go through these spells where I seem to be on top of most things, or at least I can fool myself that I am. Then come those times where I feel like though I might be very busy and overwhelmed, I'm not doing anything well at all.
Well, I am busy, that's certain. We have another child--sweet baby Wesley. If you've met him, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, I'm sorry for your loss. He's always grinning at whatever antics his brothers and sister are up to. He's never met someone he didn't like, and although he hides his face like he's shy, it's so easy for anyone to make him giggle. He is a real treasure, and he makes me want to have a dozen more. That is before I take into account that he cannot crawl, walk, or even talk (or scream no, never!!). Hopefully God will hear my plea to hold any more blessings until we get a little more space...and a nanny...and a housekeeper.
Logan is a brain. He just walks around noticing all kinds of inconvenient things and trying to discuss them at inconvenient times. He's a great big brother, even though it totally cramps his style. He's crazy about technology, and all he can talk about sometimes is, "someday when I get an iPod, or Nintendo DS, or whatever". Logan is a ten year old trapped in a six year old's body, or so he thinks. He is the quirkiest, sweetest, funniest, most creative kid I know. The boy has never met a stranger, and if he starts talking to you, you need to either make yourself comfortable or make yourself invisible because he won't be stopping for a breath anytime soon. I love this amazing kid!
Malachi is all heart. He has a strong sense of justice and fairness (even if it's a little biased for his side). He has more energy than you can shake a stick at, and I think he might be part monkey. (not an endorsement of evolution) I always feel like there is a lot about him that I don't know. He doesn't always talk about what he's feeling or thinking (not that he could get a word in edgewise with Logan around). Chi is a little mysterious to me, but I know he has a huge heart, and God's going to do amazing things through this little fireball.
Bella is without question a precious little...stinkerpot. She has had Matt and I wrapped around her little finger since she was born. I should have known what she would be like as a two year old from our first night together. She fussed and cried all night where all of our other babies slept peacefully. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants, which was kind of cute at first, but now requires lots of discipline both for her and her parents. She definitely knows that cuteness is her greatest asset. One thing I love about Bella is her ability to find and collect unusual things. Pretty rocks, dead mice, crawdads (or as she calls them "ugly bugs"), sweetgum tree fruit ('pikey balls), flowers, and colorful leaves. She's an adventurer and we're going to have lots of fun together.
Well, that's all I have energy for tonight. I caught up on the fun stuff. I'm thinking my next post will be about the humbling I mentioned at the beginning.
Posted by tessa at 04:08 | Comments (0)